will away all of these years
by Lily Maxwell The Dark Angel
Summary: Kotetsu has never stopped to think about it before - Barnaby's expressions and how much he wants to brush his frowns away. He's so beautiful it hurts. For the T&B Kink Meme. Kotetsu/Barnaby


**will away all of these years  
><strong>**by Lily M.**

* * *

><p>Kotetsu hadn't stopped to think about it before. He was not one to dwell on pointless thoughts, and <em>that<em> wasn't something he particularly paid attention to. He blamed the alcohol coursing through him, not enough to rend him memory lapses in the morning, but enough to silence his mouth and let his mind wander.

Whatever happened then, he was sure Bunny would come to blame on the alcohol as well. Barnaby had his back to him, but he could see the lost, perhaps alcohol-clouded gaze reflected on the glass as the blond watched the city below. There was no trace of a scowl, no contempt or arrogance. Kotetsu was proud of his far sight, but still he oddly wished Bunny was closer, he wanted to see him. He had never stopped to think about it before – Bunny's expressions.

His mind shut down before he could get a better look.

Later on, when he was sober, he would let himself notice. The nuances of Barnaby's annoyance, the instances in which his eyebrows were brought further together, in anger, or in moments when all the heroes would interact but him. He would sit at a certain distance, frowning in thought.

This took Kotetsu a while, but he noticed. His first impulse was always to try and snap Barnaby out of it, which always resulted in ready, curt dismissals and insults. Kotetsu was no longer impressed at this defense mechanism.

He frowns when he's worried too, Kotetsu took no time to remember. When he lets the mask of indifference fall, when he lets himself be closer to someone, he worries, and he frowns. Maybe because not many people had worried about him before. Not enough.

Kotetsu wondered if he should also blame the alcohol, on that night, for noticing so much, for _actually_ noticing so much. And for wanting to see that one look again, free of the ever-present self-control, that he saw on that night.

He wondered when this need to brush all those feelings away began. To brush them away from Barnaby, from himself_._

It was confusing.

But he knows, _he knows_, he can't blame it on the alcohol when he finally gives in to his thoughts and urges, because Kotetsu isn't much of a thinker. He has to act. He has to act and Barnaby is right there, frowning again, holding the newspaper to him, confiding in him, telling him about how Lunatic could ruin everything, how difficult it was to get a new lead on Ouroboros and—

His eyes widen in surprise when Kotetsu reaches out and touches his forehead. It isn't the playful tap Kotetsu wishes it had been, the one he gives Kaede if misbehaves. Somehow it had morphed, shifted into something else, something he just doesn't know what, but he brushes his thumb across Barnaby's right eyebrow and Barnaby is still too shocked to react, caught between his previous anguish and the sudden, unexplainable development.

Kotetsu wanted to help, he did. He didn't know how. Didn't know how to catch the murderer of Barnaby's parents, didn't know how to respond to Barnaby's dedicated research, how to ease his worries, but he wanted to. And he thought and thought, but he had thought so much, and the only answer he could think of was that he didn't want Barnaby to make that face anymore. He was sick of it.

Barnaby doesn't move. His mouth moves, as if to speak, but there are no words.

It feels like a few minutes pass. In truth, it barely breaks thirty seconds until Kotetsu leans forward, too fast. Too fast for a reaction, too fast for a rejection.

He doesn't stop to think about Barnaby's feelings. He would think about them later, hate himself later, but not now. He wants to brush it all away, because it's a mess, what he couldn't do, what he couldn't do with himself.

And Barnaby, he—

_He's so beautiful, it hurts._

— tries to talk, he does. His mouth opens, a sound barely makes out before Kotetsu seals it away, kissing him in what he could never describe as romantic, not even close to the tender kisses he gave Tomoe. It's messy and clumsy and impulsive. Barnaby doesn't pull away.

He stops. He's panting because his heart is racing, because this just looked so fucking _stupid_ now that he has two seconds to process it and Barnaby is looking at him straight in the eye with cold green, breathless too. Their noses are still touching. Kotetsu's hand is still on Barnaby's face, tracing the intricate designs of his cheekbones, and nose, and lips, and the other hand moves to his hair, and it's softer than it should be and _hell_, surely a man's hair can't be so soft, his would never be.

There is a grace to Barnaby's every move, as he walks, as he gestures, Kotetsu had taken notice, and also as he leans forward and Kotetsu leans back, looking down at him with parted lips. Bunny mustn't have been thinking clearly either, all worry forgotten, the newspaper lying somewhere on the floor, for he's climbing on Kotetsu's lap and he's taking off his jacket. Without the glasses on, his eyes look sharper, and Kotetsu can see it – the look he's wanted to see.

And he has no idea what it means. He doesn't have time to think. All he can muster is that there are way too many clothes, way too many layers between his hands and Barnaby's skin, which is so warm, has he always been this warm, or is it because he has never been so close to touch, to taste?

He gasps more than whispers Kotetsu's name, and if Kotetsu had any lingering thoughts, they are gone and replaced with arms that circle him and don't let go.

A few hours later, when Kotetsu could see clearly again, he wondered if he had done more damage than good. He had regrets. He was the one to frown.

For the first time in a long time, Kotetsu took off his wedding band. He sat on the bed, and the night city lights coming through the window reflected on the ring. He wondered if he should apologize. To her. If it had been wrong when those fingers interlaced with his. If all those wishes to help weren't a desperate need to protect instead. Bunny didn't need protection. Bunny…

Beside him, Barnaby slept peacefully, lying on his stomach. His face was serene as he breathed through his mouth. Kotetsu would have brushed his bangs back but he didn't want to wake him up, to frown in confusion. He should stay like that.

Kotetsu smiled.

He held the ring inside his fist, and admitted to himself that no, he didn't know where that was going to lead.

But Barnaby hadn't pushed him away.

It was enough, then.


End file.
